like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Little spoons don't ask big questions
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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