I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
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Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize