I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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