I accidentally had phone sex last night
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Randomize