Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
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