That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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