he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
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