Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize