Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We have started to decorate penises.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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