you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
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