Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize