All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Randomize