Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
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You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
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Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
So here I am, sexting at work.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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