I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Randomize