Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
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