well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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