im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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