Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
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Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
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There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
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