Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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