Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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