obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
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The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
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I need a burrito and a hug.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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