matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
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Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
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