he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
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