how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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