you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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