I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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