I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize