Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize