Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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