Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
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he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
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After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
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