After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
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I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
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I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
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