I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I wish i was in the wii world.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
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