FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
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