I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
love makes seman taste better
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
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