First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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