i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
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Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
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The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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