I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Randomize