Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
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