It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
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