recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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