Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
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tequila makes me forget i have legs
I love how my cats smell like pot.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
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