now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Randomize