all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
My dick has a subreddit
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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