I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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