my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
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I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
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