I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
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Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
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i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
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