Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
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Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
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Can vaginas get frostbite?
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
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