I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Randomize
