i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
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