Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
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drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
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Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
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